Looking past....

I apologize for what causes you to act this way ...  Looking the devil in the eye, I will love you like how you should have been loved.

Hallucinations

How do you know that in the presents of someone you've known for years that you can Trust them.  If you were to lose all your senses and be totally vulnerable, could you Trust them.

Welcome to Hell
Plan B
 

Lesson Learned?

Pleasure turns to the pain, / Of the lessons learned from the strain, / Of the questions burned in my brain, / About whether to love is humane / In its touch. / These thoughts are like salmon / Swimming upstream / In the tears of your deceit, / Fighting the current hurt / That kills more than is created / By the chaos of our intertwined emotions: / Chaotic because the anchor / Of Eros' arrow has been plucked from the vessel / Of my undying infatuation. / Separation not as simple as the distance between us, / My mind no longer possessed / By the demons / That had been the overseers / Of my enslavement to your lies. / The seeds of these lies, / Rooted so deeply / They have cracked the foundation / Of what we once shared, / Allowing the faith in us I had sealed inside / To gush out like a river, / Ripping the image of our future together / From my thoughts / As violently and as brutally / As if it were a child being taken / From his mother's arms. / I'm left surrounded in darkness, / But I refuse to be swallowed by it, / My loneliness like the night air. / Invisible to the eye, oblivious to the touch, / In its cold uncomfortableness. / Yet if I could do it all over again, / I'd do it in the same skin I'm in. / To lay down and let love die, / Just stay down and let love lie: / No, no, not I. / I'll stay 'round and let love fly, / Even though I have seen its darkest form, deceit. / Nothing else could taste this warm / Or feel this sweet. 

When I Die

When I Die

when i die i hope no one who ever hurt me cries
and if they cry i hope their eyes fall out
and a million maggots that had made up their brains
crawl from the empty holes and devour the flesh
that covered the evil that passed itself off as a person
that i probably tried
to love

Written by Nikki Giovanni

You Came,Too

You Came, Too

I came to the crowd seeking friends
I came to the crowd seeking love
I came to the crowd for understanding
I found you

I came to the crowd to weep
I came to the crowd to laugh

You dried my tears
You shared my happiness

I went from the crowd seeking you
I went from the crowd seeking me
I went from the crowd forever

You came, too

Written by Nikki Giovanni

Bad Habits

Habits

i haven't written a poem in so long
i may have forgotten how
unless writing a poem
is like riding a bike
or swimming upstream
or loving you
it may be a habit that once aquired
is never lost
but you say i'm foolish
of course you love me
but being loved of course
is not the same as being loved because
or being loved despite
or being loved

if you love me why
do i feel so lonely
and why do i always wake up alone
and why am i practicing
not having you to love
i never loved you that way

Written by Nikki Giovanni

Goals

How will I know if I do not put them on paper, so here goes.....

GOALS

1. Take GMAT

2. Organize/ De-clutter

3. Lose the weight this time

4. Religion

5. Incorporate exercise into my everyday life

Looking at this list, I see that there are some recurring items to my "I So Do Not Want to Admit this but these are my"..... New Years Resolutions.  I think its time that I knock out numbers 3, 4, and 5.  You know... give the others a chance! So I will this time... through planning, hard work, and the most important PERSEVERANCE! Over the next few days I will think about how I can accomplish these goals and how I failed to do so in the past. That way I can at least start with confidence and the knowledge to make this work.  So stay tuned.....